Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
Well, it looks like we lost this one team. We didn’t make it into the Olympics and as President of the International Federation of Snowball Throwing, I’ll take full responsibility. Apparently there’s an official process for being part of the Olympics. Me sending a few emails to contactus@(insert various URLs here) didn’t quite have the intended result.
I love snowball throwing for so many reasons and by the looks of the petition, I’m not alone. I’m confident that someday there will be a gold medal awarded and I’m going to hold out hope that it will be awarded to me.
The bad news is there won’t be any official medals awarded for snowball throwing in Vancouver. The good news is that we don’t need to wait another four years to participate in snowball throwing. In fact, I think I’m going to go get my ‘throw on’ before I watch the Opening Ceremony. As I’ve always said, this movement can’t be stopped.
Snowball Throwers Unite!
Taking it to the street.
IFST Nation – you guys have been great. As President of the International Federation of Snowball Throwing, it makes me so proud to think of all the people around the world who have thrown a snowball in support of our great movement. Nice work team.
I’ve got exciting news. All of the comments and support have inspired me to hit the streets. It’s time to get some feedback face to face, up close and personal, mano a mano… you know, one on one with the Prez. Can the International Federation of Snowball Throwing make our dreams come true? Will strangers on the street sign my petition? Can this movement make it to the global stage in Vancouver? Let’s find out.
Got pins. Will trade.
Let’s play a game. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think about the Winter Games? OK, second after snowball throwing. Was it athletes, medals, bobsleds, curling, skiing, skating or cowbells? What about pin trading?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Pin trading is the unofficial sport in which everyone’s competing at the Olympics. Everyone is walking around looking to trade these little beauties. Think of it this way – more pins equal more points. Sometimes you get a pin that’s worth multiple points. Those are the ones the professional traders want. I’m not kidding. I did a little research and it seems like everyone’s trading pins. There are even designated locations for pin trading.
Long story short, pin trading is a big deal and as we know the International Federation of Snowball Throwing is a really big deal. So if there were official IFST pins being traded that would be a big deal of epic proportions, right? Moral of the story, pin trading is good for the IFST.
Wear an IFST pin to show your support. Every time you trade a pin, encourage your new pin-trading friend to sign our petition. Just like pin trading, this movement can’t be stopped!
Aisle 9: Thirst Quenchers and Inspiration
Who knew a regular trip to the grocery store could turn into an inspirational journey? I’m a fairly optimistic guy, but even I wasn’t expecting to return to my humble abode with anything more than the usual pantry staples.
Picture me cruising the aisles of my local grocery store, checking out the weekly deals, and scoping out the items in other people’s cart. What? I’m curious. Rounding the corner into the beverage aisle, I zeroed in on the neatly stacked cases of Coca-Cola. Just as I’m reaching for my favorite beverage something catches my eye. Is that a snowboarder on the packaging? I look at another case and see a speed skater. On another is a figure skater. Could it be that Coca-Cola created packaging featuring athletes? Answer – yes. These things are simply a work of art. Check it out:
Turns out the featured silhouettes represent athletes Coca-Cola has dubbed their ‘Six-Pack’. Now I might be dreaming with this one, but if Coke decided to create official shirts for the International Federation of Snowball Throwing, we might have a shot at a can featuring a snowball thrower, right? Granted, ‘Seven-Pack’ doesn’t exactly roll off your tongue but let’s not get caught up in the details just yet. Check out the prototype and let me know what you think. I think it has the potential to make sales skyrocket.
The final countdown.
Fellow snowball throwers, it’s time to kick this movement into overdrive. The Olympics start in less than one week and we want the International Federation of Snowball Throwing represented. Nay, we NEED the International Federation of Snowball Throwing represented. Think of how much happier the world would be?! Nothing short of a gold medal will make me happy and I’m sure you feel the same way. We’ve come too far and thrown too many snowballs to miss our goal.
I know we’ve been focused on training and perfecting our skills but we need to get more “ink” on our petition. Tell your friends about the IFST. Tell your mom about the IFST. Tell your barber, the clerk at grocery store, the post man and everyone at your gym about the International Federation of Snowball Throwing. It’s go time.
Coca-Cola + Shirts = Officialness
As the President of the International Federation of Snowball Throwing, it’s fairly obvious that I love throwing snowballs. As fans of the IFST, I assume that you love snowball throwing. Do you know who else loves throwing snowballs? The Coca-Cola Company – booyah!
First they created a commercial featuring snowballs. I mean who doesn’t want to run outside and play in the snow after watching it? Next, they created an online game so everyone can participate in the thrill of a snowball fight. Both are amazing things, but I’ve got even bigger news. I’ve got news that is taking us one step closer towards official officialness. Coca-Cola is 100 percent behind our mission and that means the IFST is playing in the big leagues. Snowball thowing is going to be the next big sport. I’m talking trading card big.
Why this works: Snow is awesome. The IFST is awesome. Coke is awesome. Everything about throwing snowballs is awesome and when something is that good you don’t just tell people about it. No, no. You wear it with pride.
Ladies and Gentlemen, as President of the International Federation of Snowball Throwing I officially present to you the official unveiling of the official IFST t-shirt. For the record, it’s officially awesome. Snowball Throwers Unite!
No snow? No problem.
There are two great things about throwing snowballs. It’s fun and it’s free. If you want to make a good day great, go to the park and start throwing snowballs with your friends. The result: instant happiness. Even if you lose, it’s hard not to have a good time.
On the flip side, there’s one problem with snowball throwing. It requires snow. This is particularly a problem for people in places like Jamaica.
Fear not all you snow-deprived citizens, I’ve uncovered an online gem that’s going to make your day a little better. Coca-Cola has created a snowball throwing game at OpentheGames.com. Genius.
If you haven’t gotten enough snow this winter to make quality snowballs or you’ve been kicking it at the beach, now you can invite your friends to join you for an online snowball fight. Are your friends busy hitting the slopes? Log on and compete with people from all over the world.
If you are one of the lucky ones who have a backyard full of the snow, think of this as a competition simulator. Use this site to analyze the trajectory of your throws and play out your strategies prior to competition. Smart strategies equal more wins.
Step 1:
Step 2:
Step 3: DOMINATE!
Check it out and see if you can top my score of four gazillion and three points. I had Coca-Cola remove it from the leader board so it didn’t intimidate everyone. It just didn’t seem fair.
Oh and one other thing, if Jamaica can get a bobsled team together I’m confident they’ll come ready to rock at the first snowball throwing competition in the Olympics. You better be practicing, too.
The Official IFST Training Program: Competitive Moves
Being a world-class snowball throwing machine requires practice. Sure you might get lucky and win a neighborhood battle – but we’re talking about training to win day in and day out. Top snowball throwers are well-rounded athletes. Not only do you need to be in peak physical condition to maximize your snowball-throwing abilities, but it requires the skillful execution of competitive moves.
We’ve already reviewed the IFST Snowercise Program which was designed to get you in the best shape of your life. Your welcome. Now I’m going to showcase a few competitive techniques specifically developed by the IFST to help snowball throwers dominate in a good old-fashioned throw down in the snow or a snowdown if you will.
Now pay special attention while I demonstrate the moves of a champion and always remember to throw like there’s no tomorrow. If you’ve got other tips, leave a comment and don’t forget to go sign that petition!
Miracles happen in 30-second increments.
Miracles happen every day. Sometimes it’s subtle like finding a quarter on the ground beneath the parking meter and sometimes you’re sitting on your sofa watching TV when BAM – a miracle jumps off the screen and your life changes for the better.
Today I witnessed the most beautiful 30 seconds of television I’ve ever witnessed. Coca-Cola has created a commercial about… wait for it…. wait for it… SNOWBALL THROWING! No joke. This commercial speaks to me and if you’re a snowball throwing loyalist, it’s probably going to speak to you, too.
The skillful maneuvers in this commercial are so precisely demonstrated that I could not be more proud as the President of the International Federation of Snowball Throwing. Clearly, they sent a scout team to attend a few IFST-sanctioned competitions. This really is a showcase of world-class athleticism.
Without further adieu, it’s time for a little play-by-play action. Let’s do this.
If you’d like a closer look, here’s the full commercial minus the color commentary by yours truly.
Snowball Making 101
As a snowball thrower, we like to win. It’s in our blood. We train, practice, strategize and mentally prepare to dominate. Yet even the best snowball throwers often make one fatal mistake – they don’t focus on the art of making a good snowball.
I know what some of you are thinking – making snowballs is a no brainer. It’s not rocket science. Correct, it’s snow science. I don’t want to bore you with details about the molecular composition of snowflakes, so I’ve assembled a few tips for creating a perfect snowball.
Tip 1: Slightly wet snow works best. It packs quickly, holds together during flight and explodes on impact temporarily paralyzing your competitor.
Tip 2: Size matters. It must be big enough to make a substantial impact, but small enough to be thrown all the way across the park while you’re dodging behind a tree. It should also fit nicely in the palm of your hand so that you can get a good grip. If you’ve been designated as the team’s dedicated snowball maker during a team competition try to create snowballs larger than a baseball but smaller than a grapefruit. A snowball with a four- or five-inch diameter is the best ‘one-size-fits-all’ size.
Tip 3: Creating snowballs behind cover typically works best, but if the snow is powdery you’ll need to take a risk and find open snow that’s not shaded. Try to evaluate this prior to the start of competition so you can make a run for it before the other team has a chance to get too many snowballs created.
Exhibit A: Good Snowball
Notice the perfect formation and the gloss of the slightly damp snow. This baby’s gonna fly!
Exhibit B: Bad Snowball
Observe how the snowball isn’t retaining its shape. It’s more likely to tickle your opponent than slow them down. You’re not hitting anyone further than ten feet away with this thing.
So, now you’re ‘in the know’ when it comes to snowballs. If you really want to know more about the molecular composition of snowflakes leave a comment otherwise, go sign that petition!
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